The Squeeze We Don’t Talk About

I’m on my way to Prince Edward Island to see my mom.

PEI is where I grew up, and no matter how long I’ve lived away, a part of me will always be there.

Right now, that distance feels unbearable. My mom is at home in palliative care after we learned she has a massive tumour on her right lung. I want to be beside her. I also know that every visit will make what is happening more real.

When my dad died suddenly at 79, there was no time to prepare.

Losing him was a shock that changed everything in an instant. With my mom, I’m facing a different kind of heartbreak: knowing what is coming and having to watch someone I love move toward it. I honestly don’t know which is harder.

At the same time, my son has gone off to university in Edinburgh. I’m so proud of him. Watching him begin this new chapter is everything I hoped for, even as I miss him terribly.

And at home, our daughter Victoria, who has non speaking autism, will continue to need us in ways that don’t end when a child becomes an adult. Her life and care are woven into every decision we make.

Some people call this the squeeze generation. You’re caring for your children while your parents need you, too. But “squeeze” sounds almost too tidy for what it feels like. My heart is in Edinburgh with my son, at home with Victoria, and across the country with my mom. Wherever I am, part of me feels I should be somewhere else.

And all of this is happening while I’m going through menopause and trying to make sense of the changes in my own body and life. Some days I can carry it. Other days, the emotion catches up with me when I least expect it.

I feel deeply blessed. I’ve had an amazing life. My mom is receiving wonderful care at home, and I’m grateful for the people who care for Victoria and love her as we do. Gratitude is real. So is the exhaustion. So is the fear, the guilt, and the sadness that can eat away at you quietly from the inside.

I’m sharing this because we don’t talk enough about this part of life. We celebrate children finding their way into the world, and we try to be strong for parents nearing the end of theirs. In between, there are people trying to hold both with love.

If you’re in that place too, I see you. It’s a lot. And it’s okay to say so.